Lesson #7

Don't be embarrassed by the sound of yourself weeing.
Everyone wees!
I'll be the first to put my hands up and say that I'm a total sucker for this. Literally, the mere hint of that tinkle of liquid on porcelain makes me cringe so much. All the way through school, I refused to go to the toilet if someone else was in there; childish to say the very least, I know, but that's just me.
The thing is though, I'm pretty sure that every other woman in the Northern Hemisphere feels just as uncomfortable when stepping into a public bathroom. It's particularly bad when a queue forms behind you, especially in airports, and the sense of mortification dawns on you that all these strangers' ears are going to be graced by the sound of your body ridding itself of excrement and waste. Positively delightful.
But why should you be humiliated by this fact? It's just urine, after all! People need to wee, it's a natural bodily function, it's not some dark or shameful secret. If we didn't wee, ammonium toxins would build up in our bodies, slowly poisoning every living cell we are made up of. And I for one certainly don't want that to happen.
Besides, when are you ever going to bump into that old woman by the hand-driers ever again? It's not a big deal, it's not like she's going to discuss the sounds of weeing with Vera from over the road when she gets home and your urine specifically will be brought into the conversation.
I say wee harder! Get it over with quicker! Let them know you're not afraid, that you are a proud, upstanding citizen in our modern-age society, and if you wanna pee go fucking pee! Don't be ashamed or embarrassed by it, everyone wees.