Lesson #22

Play The Lord Of The Rings Drinking Game.
At least once in your life.
I don't care if you're not a nerd like me. I don't care if you haven't read the books or seen the films. I don't care if you don't like the work of JRR Tolkein. Play. The damn. Game.
It is so much fun. And gets you so fucking bladdered. So bladdered that even if you don't like the movies, you'll just stop caring and be like 'Woohooo! LOTR! Yeeeeah, get me some Gandalf, UMPH!' Drunk times, friends. Drunk times in Middle Earth.
Here are the rules:

1. Everyone must be allocated a character from the three films. You must now refer everyone to their allocated characters. If you call them by their real name, you must drink two fingers of your drink.


2. Frodo is the only hope for the existance of Middle Earth, especially Samwise. All players must do what Frodo tells them to do.


3. Any time you see "the one ring" you must take one finger of your chosen drink.


4. Any time a reference to "the one ring" is mentioned, you must take one finger of your drink.


5. Any time Gollum says "my precious... GOLLUM GOLLUM." You must repeat straight after "my precious... GOLLUM GOLLUM." in the same tone of voice. The last person to do so must down the rest of their drink.


6. Any time any of the characters over pronounce the letter 'R' in words, you must take 3 fingers of your drink. Mordor is a bitch on this one.


7. Any time the Dark Lord Sauron is mentioned, you must take 2 fingers of your chosen drink.


8. Every time Aragorn appears on screen, you must quote "I am Aragorn, son of Arathorn" or "I am Isilsur's heir, not Isildur himself". The last person to quote these must drink 2 fingers of their drink.


9. Anyone who is wearing a ring at the start of the game can make a rule up, as they are wearing the ring of power.


10. Every time the Shire is mentioned, everyone must drink two fingers of their drink.


11. Whenever a black rider comes on screen, Frodo must hide behind a pillow/out of sight. Otherwise he is captured by the fiends and must down his drink!


12. (Return of the King only.) Once Frodo destroys the ring of power, everyone must consume all of the remaining alcohol in sight in celebration of his tremendous effort of destroying the ring... and keeping Samwise out of his ass.


13. Every time Gandalf insults Pippin, you must shout "FOOL OF A TOOK" and drink 3 fingers. The last one to shout "FOOL OF A TOOK" must down their drink.

So go! Go watch one of the movies and play! Or the trilogy back to back if you're brave enough! I advise you to bring buckets. Hope you don't die from alcohol poisoning.